Mario Kart wii

Sam:

So I'm a fairly big Mario Kart fan ever since I played it as a child on the snes. I remember playing with my brother, I'd always pick toad (I think he's badass, but apparentely fucking gay according to jeff). We'd have mountains of fun but it'd always end up in tears as one of us would pull the game controller cords out in frustration. Two nights ago I hired out Mario Kart on wii and experienced the same frustration, except no one pulled the cords out on me this time.

Everything is pretty much the same except it feels like Nintendo have invented new colours to fill up the screen, it's gay but it looks great. The new tracks are inventive with multiple routes except there is not enough to discover, most of them are a little obvious. One of the biggest problems with the game lies with the single player mode, it requires no skill at all. If you're having the best race of your life with no faults, you will probably come 2nd or even 8th due to a fucking blue shell striking you. There is no possible way to escape these weapons, it all comes down to luck rather than skill.

The biggest flaw however is Donkey Kong no longer sounds like Donkey Kong! He sounds like a mentally handicapped man with down syndrome and cerebral palsy with aids. It's an insult to the fans and an insult to me!

7/10


Phil:

It's fantastic to have a brand new Mario Kart game to play. I was a bit wary of the remake of tracks, but when I think back to it MK 64 only had 16 tracks all up. Wii has 32, 16 of which are new. There are new weapons like Bullet Bill, which does the driving for you, and also the Pow box which will annoy the shit of every other driver. The old weapons are exactly the same, which is great, because if there's one thing video game makers should know, it's not to mess with a good thing.

The new tracks fit in perfectly with the Mario Kart world, from bouncing mushrooms to water slides, every track has hidden traps and problems just to mess with your head. It took me a while to get used to the driving styles, especially with the Wii Wheel (the worst style imo), I find myself just settling for the wii-mote and nunchuk. The way they add insult to injury when you're first trying the game is to make the AI characters, worse than Peach on level 9 Smash Bros Melee (That whore). Every other kart is seriously trying to kill you no holds barred. So basically, don't play it while you're grumpy or tired unless you know you're gonna win just so you can smack the other players around. All in all a great addition to the franchise.

9/10

Andrew:

Ever since the dawn of time man has enjoyed two things more than any other. Holding a dinner plate between his hands and pretending he is a racecar driver and playing Mario Kart. The thrill of looking in the mirror and practicing your racecar driver face was priceless. The thrill of beating your friends at a video game about plumbers and apes named Donkey racing each other is unbeatable. So when these two things mix to give us Mario Kart wii you would believe it to be the best thing EVER… right?

Unfortunately not. The game is great fun for about half an hour. Then it gets a bit tedious. It’s still fun, just not amazing. Now granted I didn’t play it for long, but I can tell it’s a game I would get sick of very very quickly. I can’t really explain why though. I mean, it has more tracks and more weapons… You can choose between motorbikes, karts, buggies etc… but somehow it lost its charm.

I dunno… Maybe I’ve just grown up and wouldn’t really find the old Mario Kart games as fun anymore either. I’ll play it again one day and maybe it will grow on me more.

6/10

Jeff:

I’ll begin with the score I gave the game.

2/10

I will now elaborate.

Mario Kart has adorned the shelves of video game enthusiasts since its inception into the Nintendo line-up some 16 years ago. It has become a brand, an institution. And rightly so. Mario Kart was revolutionary when it was first unleashed on unsuspecting consumers. It has since, however, stagnated and become as tired and predictable as a David Letterman/Jay Leno hybrid, fuelled by an indomitable lust for profits and the desire to rape our culture. Its premise is unevolved, its graphics have not improved and yet its fan base has not diminished. This strikes me as odd. For a game that shows a total lack of imagination and innovation, it still maintains its death grip on its initial clientele.

Very odd indeed.

I get the fascination with driving around in a heavily weaponised vehicle, blowing the crap out of the competition while hurtling towards the finish line. It’s brilliant. But where other games of a similar nature have updated and re-invented themselves, Mario Kart wii has not. I’m speaking about games such as Twisted Metal, Vigilante, Interstate ’76, etc. Though these games are old and relatively unknown these days, they all managed to develop new and better ways of delivering the thrill of vehicular combat to you.

I feel that I should mention that I respect the status and the unwavering devotion to Mario Kart shown by its fans, but for me, playing it was as painful as an ulcerated circumcision….not that I know what that feels like (says Jeff, applying ointment to his penis).